How Meditation Prepared Me for Motherhood

David and I began our meditation journey about 10 years ago. We started with a style of meditation called Vipassana. Vipassana meditation is comprised of 10-day courses completed in silence, where about 12 hours a day are spent in both seated and walking meditation. During the course, you are gradually taught the meditation style, and are then given 10 days to learn, practice, and refine the technique. When the course ends after 10 days, you can go home and continue to practice meditating on your own, until you can sign up for another course, allowing you to deepen the practice.

Post 10-day Course in Lumbini, Nepal

The courses are taught by a man named S.N. Goenka who is no longer with us, but he is present via pre-recorded lectures and videos. The style is not his, but rather it is from teachings of the Buddha. Many meditation courses exist in silence, but his discourses are what make it his. That is to say, Vipassana was originally taught by Buddha, but this particular style is Goenka’s personal perspective, and how he was taught by his teacher. Just because the teachings began with the Buddha, does not mean you are Buddhist. Sitting quietly and breathing has been around forever, no one owns it.

Long and a little blurry, but worth the read.

 So, now you may be asking: what does this all have to do with becoming a parent? It’s simple: Any opportunity to observe your mind in a reflective manner will serve others around you.

 Practices such as Vipassana allow a person to take a deep look at themselves and everything they believe to be true, and then sit with it, reflect on it, and decide whether it’s of service to themselves and others. It’s great for relationships. It’s great for personal growth. It’s great for forgiveness and moving on. If I could recommend a person to do one thing in their life, it would be a silent meditation course.

 When you become a parent, your life changes forever. I’m not even sure people realize the extent of it until it happens. Your life is no longer about you. It’s about this little being: making her happy, meeting her needs, supporting her growth, nourishing yourselves as a family, waking up when she wakes up, soothing her, co-regulating. There’s a balance to be found, for sure, but it’s a major shift.

 I’d say for first time parents this shift is huge and can take much time to process and get used to.

 Anyway, back to meditation. Meditation already teaches us how to look outside oneself and see more objectively. In doing so, you can look at parenting, the parent-child relationship more objectively.

 What do I mean?

 Basically, you begin to stop taking things personally, you gain an understanding of the emotional self as witnessed through yourself during your meditation courses. You are not your emotions. They are simply energy in motion. You are also not your thoughts or reactions. Meditation helps you separate yourself from those things. It can even help you become more patient, meaning your reaction time slows down and you are more aware of how you respond.

 What’s more, meditation teaches us to slow down and live in a more present state. Babies and children are the most present on the planet. So, the more present we are, the more in tune with our child we will become.

 We can’t even begin to truly relate to them in that way, but meditation can give us a glimpse into their reality.

 Meditation also teaches us to listen inside of ourselves, and children require us to listen to them. They also need to be shown how to listen inside of themselves and they will watch you. They are absorbing and learning every moment. If you are too busy and not present, how can you truly tune in and connect and listen to your child? It would be nearly impossible!

 The last way that meditation has profoundly helped prepare me for parenting is as simple as my baby’s desire to be held and walked around with. During the courses there are walking paths where you can take some time outside of sitting and walk mindfully, and because of that I find myself able to hold my child and walk with her presently and mindfully many, many times a day. I can tell you that I truly enjoy it as much as she does.

Don’t have time for a 10-day course? We don’t either anymore. But it doesn’t take more than 5 minutes per day to slow down, get quiet, breathe, and meditate. The reward is tuning into yourself so that you can tune into your child. That is something worthwhile we can all do.

Here’s to holistic,

Megan